Night Owl

At the risk of boring somebody into a coma, I’m going to explain some of my visions for the coming months...

This fall, I will be releasing Night Owl, a collection of my own home recordings. It will be the first release for my label Simplify Music, a company that I’ve been talking about launching for almost five years. But this time, I really mean it—we’re going to move forward and create something exceptional. I have several artists lined up for releases, a clothing line planned, and some great collaborations in the works.

In the meantime, I’ll do my best to keep uploading video demos of the tracks as they come along. I really appreciate your patience and support, and hope to keep our dialogue flowing throughout this whole process.

Tentative track listing:

- Suddenly Clear
- Atmosphere
- I Belong Somewhere Else
- Don't Lie Awake
- Perfect Harmony
- Still Looking
- I Don't Believe in Anything
- When Life Was Good
- Better Days
- Encore
- Accident
- Sweet Melodies
- Side of Love
- I'll Wait
- Moon Child (Sunless Seed)
- Birds In a Storm

Ingrate

I can get myself in a low mood sometimes, wishing that I had a lover… Some nights, I dream of a friend to share my bed with. Or in the morning, while I’m eating breakfast alone, I’ll think, “this could be so much better”. But really, I know full-well how blessed I am to have such petty desires, when somewhere in the world someone is thinking only of hunger and death...

Somewhere, someone can feel gunfire rattle through their walls, and others have lost sons and daughters…

Still, I sit here in the sunshine, on a beautiful beach surrounded by gorgeous women, typing into a phone that would cost a year's wages in other parts of the world, and I complain...

Well, fuck that...
Fuck ex-girlfriends and past sorrows and heartbreak...
Fuck me, too, if I can’t appreciate what I have…

I'm not so ungrateful as to let such small discomforts blind me to the many blessings I've fallen into. So, let me turn this around and say “thank you”.

Thank you friends, listeners, readers, and strangers alike, for hearing me out and for fulfilling my companionship needs. Thanks for your kind words and encouraging comments, and for your loyalty over the years. Without you, I wouldn’t have my studio, and I wouldn’t have a reason to use it. So, I owe you big time...

Now, I’ll stop complaining and I’ll get back to work. Thanks, again. I love you guys.

Stay Hungry, Stay Humble

In my earliest memories, I was always making music, and I have always aspired to become better at it. As a toddler, I can remember building drum kits out of buckets and dreaming of the day when I'd be worthy of a real set. I took first prize in a songwriting contest when I was five, but I always doubted whether anyone else entered, so I hid the trophy away in a closet. And as a young violinist, nothing short of first chair would ever do, but I didn’t always get it.

As a freshman in high school, I auditioned into a band with older, more experienced players, and they took me into my first professional recording studio. I even met my first real record producer… He turned out to be a scumbag, and none of those tracks really became anything… Eventually, the band broke up, but I didn’t stop playing.

I ran around town teaching guitar lessons, and I invested all of my money into some crappy, cheap equipment. Then, I made an entire album in a week and I called it Nine Sleepless Nights. Having read all about the music industry, I sent fancy press kits to every major label, indie label, manager, agent and venue that I could find contact information for. I spent a lot of time and money on those mailings, and in response I got a few rejection letters and nothing more.

Here’s an old rejection letter that I saved from Sony Music (+):

Well, I didn’t let that discourage me. I kept practicing, recording, and even went on a little tour. I use the word "tour" hesitantly, because I couldn’t actually book any venues (although I did try). I ended up playing on street corners and in parks, but it was still a lot of fun, and I was getting better all the while.

Around the same time, I started promoting my music on the Internet, and at first nobody was listening. I can even remember logging onto Myspace.com for a while, and I didn’t have enough “friends” to fill my “Top 8”… It was embarrassing...

So, I read all about web design, taught myself some basic programming languages, and built several systems to promote my music online. I quickly became one of the most viewed musicians on the Internet, and I had the pleasure of helping some friends of mine do the same. We all made a good amount of money selling CDs and downloads, and it was a very exciting time in our lives.

I used the buzz and some of that money to record another album in L.A. Then, I started flying all around, talking to those same record companies who'd sent me rejection letters before. I was sixteen when I left home, and I haven’t really been back since…

Generous contract offers began coming in, and I had the wonderful experience of being wined and dined by some of the most powerful executives in the entertainment industry. Eventually, Sony Music (see above) paid over one million dollars for the rights to release my second album. To me, the son of a plumber and a schoolteacher, that was and still is a lot of money...

I toured the country, and got to play shows in all of those venues that had ignored my fancy press kits. I lived a very carefree life, and practiced music every day. I was truly happy for a while.

However, the record didn't sell very well, and eventually my label dropped me. I started doing a lot of drugs. I started to forget what I’d ever wanted in the first place… Rejection had never stopped me before, so why should it have mattered so much this time? I had to take some time off to reflect...

When everyone started kissing my ass and singing my praises, and when suddenly everything was being handed to me easily, I think that’s when I really lost my way. Not the day I was dropped, and not when I started taking drugs, but back in those five star hotels and fancy restaurants. Back in every groupie’s bed and behind every fake smile, there was something poisonous that I let in…

I had become pacified, complacent even. I lost my hunger and I let all of that hot air fill me up. So, when the flattery stopped flowing and I was left alone with my music again, I had to remember all over what I had wanted in the first place. I had wanted to become better—that’s all.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is simple: stay hungry. Don’t ever let yourself settle for mediocrity. And don’t ever allow yourself to become dulled by a sense of entitlement. Learn to embrace your setbacks and overcome adversity. It is principally through our failures that we find opportunity to grow. In the gym, your muscles get stronger by tearing just a little bit, and then they heal harder. The same is true for our minds and our spirits. Stay driven, stay inspired, reach higher and don’t be discouraged by your setbacks. If you’re not challenging yourself, you’re not going anywhere.

Oh... And when a record executive tells you something… Anything at all… Don’t believe it. Cause yeah, “you’re great, kid”, and really you are... But not because some asshole in a $200 shirt says so. You’re great all on your own. ☺

Don’t Think Twice

Many thanks to my brother, Tony, for filming with me last week.
He did an incredible job.

Here's one of several videos that we put together.
It's a cover of Bob Dylan's Don't Think Twice, It's Alright.

Tiny Little Worms

You know those tiny little worm guys
You sometimes see in your eyes?
Out in the peripheries
Against a blue sky?

You probably noticed them more
When you were four or five
But I'm sure you can still see them in there
If you give it time...

Well, anyway,
Maybe that's what
Truth or Love is like
The way they jump from sight
The harder you try to see them...
But then
When you just let it be
They drift right in
Slowly and gently
Like falling snow or drying leaves.

Well, recently,
I've been wondering...
If I hadn't blinked so soon...
Or if I hadn't cried so many nights...

And I've been wishing, too
That I saw them more often
But I guess that's life...
The way all things,
Even little worm guys
And The Truth and Love's rise
Eventually die...

Status Update

I had been working on a few things these past couple of weeks, and by “things” I mean recordings. However, as is often the case, I wasn’t happy with the end result, so I threw it all away.

I feel a bit guilty for my failure to deliver music consistently, but I know that this is all part of a process. Every misadventure and shortcoming brings me one step closer to the ultimate record that I know myself to be capable of releasing.

If you want mediocre music, there’s no shortage of it out there, so I won’t feel bad for withholding my share. And yet, there’s a lot of really great music, too. Ultimately, that’s the side of the fence I’d like to see myself on. So, until I get there, I’ll have to ask kindly for your patience and understanding.

Your encouragement and genuine interest has meant a lot to me—it really helps to know that there will be a sympathetic audience for all of these songs. I hope that this rant finds you well, and that you’re actively involved in your own creative process, too.

Thanks for checking in.

Hope For The Best

You've seen someone somewhere... A stranger… And you'd like to introduce yourself. You’ve even thought of what you'll say...  But you don’t walk over, and you don’t say a word.

It wasn’t fear of being slapped or bludgeoned that stopped you, but a deeper fear, yet. You were scared that they wouldn't like you--that you’d expose your whole heart and soul and they’d pass on it.

“No thanks,” they'd say.

Well... That's what I'm feeling right now, sitting here and thinking of my next album... I'm scared... I doubt my own worth...  And I know that if I don't speak soon, she'll walk away.

So, I say this to both of us:  don't leave yourself wondering. Take chances and risk your heart. We're all lonely and we're all scared, but despite your doubts, you should go after your dreams and hope for the best.  You're worth it.

Birds In A Storm

I've uploaded a new song under the "videos" page.
I'm recording at home, so nobody has heard it, yet.

Comments, "likes" and "shares" would help a lot!

Singer/Songwriter

The title “singer/songwriter” always bothered me, and not just because it’s become a cliché.

The “songwriter” half is okay—I can identify with that.  I like to think of myself as a writer.  But the “singer” word doesn’t do much for me.  Everyone sings...  That’s nothing special.

To illustrate my point, think of your favorite fiction author.  They probably do book tours, and stand at podiums reading words aloud, but we don’t call them “Reader/Writers”.  It goes without saying that they can read.

Calling myself a singer makes me feel cheap, like I belong on American Idol or in a Karaoke bar.  If I were a great singer, I’d probably feel differently about it, but I’m not.  I smoked a lot.  I drank a lot.  I talk loudly and cough whenever I feel like it, do my voice doesn't exactly lend itself to virtuosity.

I sing because I write, that's all.  Some people dedicate their lives to singing, and I don’t have anything against that, it just isn't me.

So, call me a writer.  Or call me a musician.  Maybe after a self-absorbed rant like this, you’ll want to call me a douche-bag or an asshole.  And that’s okay, too.  Just don’t call me a singer.

Where Have I Been?

About three years ago, I realized that I didn’t like myself anymore. I had been living in a van, fucking and smoking and drinking my way from one show to the next. I’d lost all conviction in my playing, and I knew it was time to go home. So, that’s what I did.

Within the week, my record label dropped me, my girlfriend moved on, and I began to break down. Not knowing where else to turn, I set out to destroy who I’d become.

I started taking hallucinogenic drugs and traveled most of the world alone. I was looking for transcendence, but I found only ruin and fear.

In less than two years, I went from signing a million-dollar recording contract, to fumbling my initials onto admission papers at a psychiatric ward. I had completely lost my way.

The details of my suffering are, I think, best left unsaid. As for the drugs, don't take this as an aggrandizement; I wouldn’t wish that path for anyone. I only wanted to let you know where I have been, and why it has taken me so long to find my way back.

Many of you kept in touch over the years, and some of you continued to believe in me, even when I couldn’t find the strength to believe in myself. I apologize to anyone that I may have let down, and I’d like to express my sincere gratitude for your support.

I hope to reconnect with all of you, soon.
This next phase is going to be a good one.