I’m sitting in the car. It’s almost 5:00AM, and I’m waiting for my brother, who is inside a shop ordering himself a sandwich. Without understanding any of it’s meaning, I think to myself “One, Two, Seven, Nine… One, Two, Seven, Nine…” again and again, in a sort of hypnotic loop.

My mind works like this… Certain sounds or words get stuck on repeat, and they fall apart until whatever I’m thinking becomes completely meaningless.

I’m sure everyone’s done this before… Where you sit on a word for a while, and think to yourself “fuck, that’s just a weird sounding word…” Then, you repeat it, for instance, “Salmon“…

You say it again, but this time really stretched out, like “Saaal-oooh-maaan…” and then again, and again, but the more you say it, the less it means, until eventually you’re not even sure it was ever a real word to begin with.

Well, that’s sort of what I do, except I don’t think about it– my mind just jumps right to the repeating part. Most of the time, I don’t even know that I’m doing it, either.

I could have sat for a lifetime skipping sounds in the car outside of the sandwich shop, but as my brother comes out, I look in his direction and I read the address above the door: “1279″.

All at once the noise in my mind takes form, and I realize that it was a series of numbers. I hadn’t even been aware of myself repeating anything until then.

It’s exhausting to inhabit this kind of mind, but to be fair, it’s this very deficit that allows me to write lyric. I just let my mind loop a string of sounds long enough, and eventually they become words.

I guess I’m just scared that one day the meaning will stay lost, and that I’ll find myself stuck in an endless spin. I see people on the streets who can’t find the substance anymore, and it always sets a shiver through my bones.

I have made it my life’s work to express myself, because most of the time, I feel hopelessly alone. If you’ve ever been alone like this, truly alone, then you’ll know how much it helps to sing aloud. So, that’s what I do.

And when I see that my songs have breathed hope into the lives of others, when I see their faces at a show, or read a late-night e-mail, that makes me feel whole again. It’s the only way I’ve ever really known to connect.

In truth, I have loved, and I observe the laws of decency throughout all of my life, but nothing compares to the bond which music binds. It is my sanctuary, my therapy, and the meaning for my life.